The Psychology Behind "I have a lot going on right now."
This vague statement serves as a catch-all excuse for emotional unavailability and inconsistent behavior. By claiming to be overwhelmed, the speaker creates a situation where their poor treatment becomes understandable rather than unacceptable. It's a priority management strategy that effectively communicates the recipient's low position in their life.
The Ambiguity Advantage
The statement's vagueness is its strength. "A lot going on" could mean: - Work stress - Family issues - Personal problems - Simply not being interested This ambiguity prevents the recipient from addressing specific issues while allowing the speaker to maintain control over the relationship's pace and intensity.
Healthy Priority Management vs. Avoidance
People genuinely dealing with overwhelming circumstances typically: - Communicate specific limitations - Suggest alternative connection methods - Express genuine regret about reduced availability - Demonstrate effort to maintain the relationship when possible When used as an excuse, the statement is accompanied by complete withdrawal and no effort to adapt or maintain connection.
The Priority Message
This statement fundamentally communicates that the recipient is not a priority. While everyone has busy periods, consistently using "too much going on" as a reason for emotional distance indicates that the relationship has been categorized as optional rather than essential.
Recognizing Priority Excuses
When someone consistently claims to be overwhelmed but never makes time for the relationship, they're communicating disinterest through manufactured busyness. Actions consistently demonstrate true priorities more effectively than words about circumstances.